im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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