sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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