Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
pray to the hookup gods
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
