She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
