Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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