Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
