This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
