a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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