last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
