My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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