Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
