He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
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After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
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I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize