she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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