I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize