I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
