This house was built for laser tag.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
