Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
