If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
it's like heaven, but drunker
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
