Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
