just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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