Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
