I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Randomize
