Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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