dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
