Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
