check it out our google latitudes are spooning
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
