I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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