My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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