the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
