Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
