party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
