Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
