I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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