Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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