the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
