You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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