My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Randomize
