Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
