and you said cock pushups were impossible
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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