Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
