is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
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