i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
