After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
