dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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