My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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