His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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