wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
