I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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