so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
