____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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