I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
