C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
