there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
