is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
