Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize