My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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