Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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