how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
