Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
