great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
