five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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