You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
