Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
