wat bout pragnant strippers??
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize