I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
