it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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