I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
