lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
